Today has been 10 weeks. that amount of time feels like a year, a day and that you never left us all rolled into one.
sometimes I look at the clock at 1:08 AM on Thursdays and remember that’s when I heard the truck leave. I can’t get the sound of the truck turning on out of my head. You told me you were “fine” 13 minutes before you left the house. I thought you were going to Walmart or something. im still mad at you that you hid the notes from me. I know that you knew that I was probably the one that was going to find them. im mad that you texted me “night. love you” and then walked past my door and left the house to do what you did, leaving us. All you had to do was knock on my door. I wouldn’t have been mad that you had started drinking again. if you told me that you wanted to kill yourself I would have driven you to the hospital so fast you wouldn’t know what happened. I always wanted the best for you.
today, dad brought in the UFO you made for halloween. it’s huge and sitting above my car in the garage but it’s fine. it looks like it’s taking off into flight the way it’s leaning against the wall.
I miss you. sometimes I pretend that you’re at work and that you’ll just be home later.
I know that it was you that turned on the lamp on your nightstand the other night. did you do it bc you know that every time I leave and enter my room I glance to your bedroom? my counselor said that I should close your door, bc that’s probably setting me back but I can’t bear to do it. Do you remember that you left that lamp on when you left the house that night?
“hearts yo”