Subject: To Steve, my brother and friend

It has been 2 months today since I lost my brother. He took his life without anyone knowing he was in such a dark place. I have read on here that in time life returns to some kind of norm, and also read it will suck forever. I pray that it does get better as I have 3 kids and a wife that count on me to live a life that won’t see me constantly depressed about this. I wrote a poem that helped me to cope for now and I worry I may never feel good again. Like so many others here is the unanswered questions I face and just the permanence of it that hurts so much. I pray now for everyone who has had to deal with these sad emotions. I also pray we all see or loved ones again some day.
To mention your pooch Steve I know you loved him so much
Now I will say this as they won’t post my words.
But maybe it’s better for it to be heard.
This is to my beloved younger brother Steve.
Your number’s been called so now you must leave.
Our time on this earth, it’s gone by way too fast.
The emptiness we all feel
is something so vast.
So many words to tell you now all left unsaid.
I should’ve spent more time with you Bro,
now regrets fill my head.
A better friend to you I’d wished I’d been.
You’ve now opened my eyes to my selfishness within.
You’d speak only good things about the people you knew.
And save all the bad words for yourself, how that’s true.
You and I’d never fight, I couldn’t think of one time.
In fact, to me, you were never unkind.
So I heard you’re the favored uncle, but that don’t make me mad.
I hope that you knew that if not now you have.
It’s not just us folk who are feeling for you.
But your poor Lucky dog is feeling blue too.
It is you I say Steve, that was truly great.
You would say “No bro”
But I’d say “damn straight”
Your time at Ball Corp did really stand out.
You had mad Cad skills my brother of that there’s no doubt.
Mechanical design challenges you would always embrace.
The fine work you’ve done still flies out in space.
How proud you were of your accomplishments there too.
NPP, OMPS, and Deep Impact to name but a few.
I just found out from dad, you were an inventor as well.
Humble you were, for you didn’t tell.
Or maybe you would’ve but I just wasn’t there.
Please know now Steve I really did care.
Then illness set in and took you right down.
Bad times were ahead, it made us all frown.
How tragic it is and will always be.
For your full potential that we’d never see.
Heart breaking it was to see you in pain.
You took it in stride and rarely complained.
So sad that it was, to see your hurt grow.
You suffered so much but how much we don’t know.
You were truly blest, to have Carol and Jack.
They were there for you Bro and that Loves not an act.
You fought your way up from your struggles endured.
Your parents played a big part of that is for sure.
Remarkable it was to pull yourself back.
From the hand you were dealt from a very bad stack.
It shows a great strength
As we saw you rebound.
It warmed all our hearts to see you up and around.
It makes it that much harder to see it all end.
You were my brother, Bro! but also my friend.
And I let you down and I know that I did.
It’s for me now Steve that I hope you forgive.
Our hearts are all broken and in need of repair.
But it will take some time as we feel much despair.
My kids haven’t seen me in tears so they say,
Now for awhile they’ll see it each day.
Our family so loved you but no time for good byes.
You now know that’s true, to see how we’ve cried.
I’ll tell you now I’m forever changed.
For life here without you just won’t be the same.
I’m rambling here cause I’m up very late.
For since you have left us our sleeps not been great.
I believe now that you’re in Heaven above.
And I’m sure in due time our pain is just love.
I said some bad words so I had to edit it.
But now that I voice this,
This is fucked up sad shit!
I’m sorry! So sorry but those words really fit.
Now they’ve been said and
I know that you’d smile.
If that’s the case then it makes it worthwhile.
I’ll say this too, Steve does not want us sad.
Celebrate his good times instead, of that he’d be glad.
It took me too long to write you a rhyme.
It may be because I’d thought I’d more time.
But then you were gone.
It’s so hard to believe.
Now you’ve left earth,
and it’s Heaven that’s received.
Such a great person, and so very nice.
And to anyone who hears this then here’s my advice.
Take time to tell loved ones how much that they mean.
As you never know when fate intervenes.
I didn’t for Steve.
Cause I dragged my feet.
So now I so grieve and feel incomplete.
If I’d only told him what he’d meant to me.
Then may be he’d a realized how special he be.
For you were gentle , and so very kind.
I wish I was more like you,
That’s been on my mind.
I think that I’ll change and be kinder to others.
And be a better person because of you brother.
I’ll end this here soon and leave you in peace.
Now you know how I feel so I feel some relief.
God wants you now so we’ll stand aside.
He really knows best so we’ll just have to abide.
I pray for you Stephen that you Rest In Peace.
I feel assured now that Gods Angels numbers increased.
You have gone first but we’ll all go there too.
We’ll all be together when our lives’ are through.
But that’s not really the end when we all depart.
But only the beginning
It’s paradise that will start.
And with that I’ll just say…
“Stephen, We’ll all see you again one day”
Love to you always
My Brother, my friend!
Peace,
Out Brau