Monday was my birthday. My first birthday since losing my brother. My big brother. I realized, in the next few years, I will become older than him. I will be older than my big brother. I can’t stop crying. I’ve spent so much time trying to put together the pieces and figure out why he took his life. I only just now realized how much I miss him.
So sorry for your loss, you’re not alone in how you are feeling. Stay strong
I know that exact feeling. I remember my first birthday without my big brother. I didn’t celebrate. Like you said, it’s just a reminder that we’ll someday soon be older than him. I’ve had three now and I have three to go until I reach how old he was. I don’t want to tell you it gets easier, because that’s not the right word… but I have started enjoying my birthday a little more since the first one without him. I’m guessing my 33rd (his age) and 34th will be rough, but sometimes the anticipation of events is worse than the actual event. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It will never stop hurting but it won’t always feel so intense. Some days will be awful and some will be great. Sending you positive vibes.