Subject: Remembering Lee and Luke

Tomorrow 12/12 marks my brother Lee’s suicide, although it was ruled accidental. Prior I lost my other brother Luke in a car accident ruled as a suicide. While it has been 16 years without Luke and 6 without Lee that isn’t the hardest. The hardest is being the sole survivor of the trio of us. I was the one who was always suicidal and in and out of the hospital. In fact when I first learned of Luke’s death in 2000 I said something like it is supposed to be me and something about him even dying on the cliff I intended to jump from. I am only recently starting to grieve. I have been in denial for all this time. It has been very difficult lately. It is just me and my 3 teens. When they move on I will be alone (I do not get along with my parents anymore). I am feeling this more and more everyday.It’s crushing me!