I regret not being home for your last birthday. I went to a show that weekend. But it was the last time I could have seen you not in the hospital. I should have come home instead I will regret that for the rest of my life. The next week you went back into the hospital and I saw you there under supervision and we could only visit for an half hour it wasn’t long enough to tell you how much you meant to me and the week after that the day they let you out you killed yourself.

My younger brother took his own life 5 months ago this week. He died 4 days after his 20th birthday. He had been suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, autism and borderline personality disorder. As well as abuse from our father and his girlfriend leaving him for someone else.
Now it’s time to go back to university and i’m struggling everyday without him. People don’t understand. It’s hard to function. I miss him everyday. People say time heals wounds but it feels like its getting deeper and harder to go through each day.
I like to talk about him but then people get awkward and make me feel uncomfortable about it. Or if they do talk about him they say things like “he made his choice, that’s where he wants to be.” but i don’t agree. i think he wanted help, he did not realise what he was doing.
I’m trying to be brave for my mum and for my family but nothing seems to help.
I’m finding it so hard to relate to people and to find people to talk to. It’s something only a sibling of someone who has taken their own life can understand.
Does anyone understand?

I feel stupid putting this up here cuz we all have a very similar story, so thank you for allowing me this space! My little brother was only 17 he took his life 25th Jan this year! He had been struggling with mental health issues for about six month and was being a little s*** stealing off me, getting chucked out of college, loads of really out of character stuff. He even told me in August he had a voice in his head telling him to do things he didn’t agree with and we both spoke about it and thought it was just his ego, but he was clearly really ill. I just fought with him and sat in the room next to him every day for 6 month obsessing over my own problems when my baby brother’s losing it in the next room. I hate my self for not giving him more attention and asking him what he needed to feel ok! I know it’s not my fault but my brain just keeps going there.

My brother committed suicide 2 days ago…. our family is devastated to say the least….although I had helped him financially in oct/nov, I didn’t help him lately and for that I feel guilty…. we all feel guilty….my heart is just broken….

I have a feeling I am a lot younger than most people on here, but why does that matter? Nomatter what age you are, going through this isn’t easy, in fact it’s so painfully difficult that it can cause severe strains on us living our lives. My big sister left us 5years ago now, but being an unknowledgable 9year old girl, I didn’t really understand what had really happened or comprehended that I would never see my lovely sister again. Now, I have, and I feel extreme levels of grief as if I just lost her. My mood swings are extremely intense, I’ll go from being sad to confused to angry to completely numb. It’s so so nice to know that there are people out there that get what I’m going through, because it’s not easy and often, I feel alone. I love you Chiara and I will never stop missing you <3

A week ago my brother took his own life. He and I, as well as our older sister, have always been close. We all lived together. Despite being close, ive learned so much about him in this Last week. His girlfriend shot herself when they were sixteen, but I thought that he had moved on. He had a fiancé that loves him, and a stepson that meant the world to him. He also had a very bad drinking problem. My brother in law told me that he came home one night and found my brother sitting on the couch with my pistol laying next to him. Jeff looked at our brother in law and said,”it would have been so easy.” I can’t help but feel like, if I had known, I could have stopped him from actually going through with it. What I’ll never understand is why he used my gun. Of all the other guns in the house, of all the other ways he could have done it, why my gun? This week without him has been the hardest time in my life, and I have no idea how I am supposed to go on without him. I love you so much jeff, I will miss you every day.

I have lost both my sisters to suicide in 8 weeks, my youngest 17th December 16 & my eldest 10th February 17. They died 8 weeks apart. I have been plunged into a world of darkness where i am suddenly an only child & where life as i know it has ended. The pain is indescribable & i have no idea how I can move forward, leave my parents & return to work. I miss them both so much & in different ways.

My younger brother, Jeff, decided to put an end to his struggling. March 10, 2014. You may wonder why, almost 3 years later, I decided to start grieving. Well…Right after he shot himself, I started a physical decline which included both hips being replaced and a 3 inch screw being put in my foot. With all that, came Norco. I almost think it was God’s way of numbing my pain.
I’m just about done with the ‘meds’ used to wean off Norco. So now I’m feeling everything. It’s like, “Holy $h*t” my brother’s gone.
We were bonded together through adict parents. Neither of us wanting to ‘deal’ with them. But we always had each other’s back. One way or another. I’ve never laughed as hard as I have with him. He could just get me rolling somehow. We even lived together after both moving out (or being kicked out) at different times. He was a different character for sure…
Praying for a moment of peace, where we remember them and the sibling love that was shared. It wouldn’t hurt this bad if the love wasn’t there. So feel that again, if only for a moment.
Thanks for this…