How does one cope with the sadness of losing a sibling this way? How does one cope with the guilt?

Hey Angel B,
My heart aches for a crazy phone call. Time heals nothing.Neither it should. I’m isolated in my own thoughts of what I should of done. So many what if’s. I’ve gone over your last words to me so many times Pete. I could of helped IF (always the if’s) I had just slowed down and really thought about what you were saying between the lines. Everything has changed Pete. Our family never recovered. I miss you my Angel B. The sun doesn’t shine as bright.

24 years later and I miss you more everyday.
Time brings us closer… that’s all time does.
Big brother of mine I miss you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. Forever so sorry. Xx

It’s been just over two months since he decided it was time to leave us. There were no warning signs. If only he had hinted that he was feeling sad, in pain and totally hopeless. I would have helped him in a heartbeat. He was so kind, handsome, funny and absolutely the most genuine person I knew. It was an honour to be his brother for all those years, and I hope he is at total peace.

I am still numb, I haven’t even begun to think about what has happened. Sometimes I force myself to look at pictures at him, which ultimately ends up on me breaking down in tears. I am still so angry and annoyed that he didn’t come to me in his time of need. But more than that, I just miss him so much! I miss his witty jokes and his voice around the house. He was one of a kind.

It’s been just over 8 months. I still feel just as stuck as the night you took your life. The first several weeks went by so fast. So many people in and out of the house. I just wanted them all gone so life could go back to “normal.” It never did and it never will.
No matter what I do, how late it is, how tired I am, my thoughts go to that awful night. Hearing your girlfriend call for help down the hall, saying that you had hung yourself. Seeing you there on our patio. Helping dad get you down. Trying to bring you back with the CPR I’ve practiced for years. I shake it off and turn the T.V. on.

You would have been such a great father and I wanted to be an aunt so much. I miss you all the time. Life is so hard now. I’m sorry you died in pain. I don’t believe in an afterlife and I know you didn’t either. So I hope you had a really nice dream before leaving forever. I read that might happen… I wish you could hear all the things I want to tell you all the time.
I love you Bubba.

Dearest big brother:
I love you. More and more everyday. Losing you has made me see the true depth of love. I miss you. It has been a year and two months, and I find myself more lost than I could have ever fathomed.
My whole life purpose I thought was to protect you. I was going to go to law school, to know the mental health laws- so I could make sure you were safe. Now I am left to do it all in your honor, and I can’t help feeling like is there even a point anymore? Nothing is going to bring you back.
I have never felt more stuck. Stuck in grief, stuck in loss, stuck in the memories. We had so much more fun things to do together. We were going to take our kids to disney world, we were going to do life together. I truly lost a best friend, my big brother.
I hope you are in the happiest place playing the drums, and beating with love. And my wish is that you would have known how talented and amazing you were. I wish we all took the time to tell you. I wish I could have spent more time with you. I love you so much. And i don’t know how my heart will ever heal without you.

It’ll be 7 years in May since my older brother demons got the worst of him. And I miss him a great deal, but I know he’s in Heaven with others who recently lost their battle with this disease helping them adjust. And even though some religions feel its a sin when someone takes their own life. I don’t agree with that, God loves all his children especially the ones who suffer a great deal from this disease, and sends them back into his arms.

I feel so weird writing on this website. This is something that is very unlike me-on the other hand doing something like committing suicide was very unlike you. I don’t know what happened, how we could have clearly missed all the signs. Now looking back it’s all so clear and that’s what I think upsets us the most. My brother Michael was 19 when he took his life on July 2, 2012. It was just shy of my 22nd birthday and I had just moved back home the month ago from graduating college. We were just starting to form our “adult” sibling relationship; less fighting, more joking around and now that’s all gone and I’m an only child after always having this little annoyance since I can remember. I know it’s almost been 5 years but missing you still comes in waves and I’ve noticed I have no desire to form a relationship with anyone. I don’t want a boyfriend, I don’t want a family, I just want to have my dog, my friends and parents to stay the way they are right now and I know that’s completely insane because I’m watching from the outside how all my friends are growing up, moving on with their lives and starting their own families and I feel like I’m still a 22 year old who just got sucker punched in the gut. I want to open my heart up and be happy on my own and not because of my medicine but I need you back and I know that’s not going to happen so I need you with me guiding me to a new breath of life. I love you Ze Mullet