I miss you a lot. It’s been 10 months and the only thing that’s on my mind is you. I’ve genuinely been struggling without you here. struggling to the point that I don’t really want to do anything, I don’t want to eat, sleep or talk to anyone. All i’m doing is just rotting in bed either on my phone to distract myself from what happened or going to work/school to distract myself or just thinking about what went wrong. Was it my fault? Why did you do it? What was your last thought? did I not show you how much I loved you-enough? I know that I’m your little sister, like we are only 6 years apart, but I just wish you could have told me what was going on, and what you were going through cause I would have done anything to help you. I just started grade 12 and I’m genuinely so confused, so stressed and I’m not sure what I’m doing. I just started the semester and I’m just passing my classes which I hate, cause you know, i’m a A student and never in these 3 years have I ever gotten below an A. Plus it’s also the university application year, so that whole thing is really stressing me out but hopefully I figure it out and get into a good university. I also got my G2, so hopefully you’re proud of me… but…life…sucks, and I felt like it was just yesterday that it happened and I can’t seem to move on. I’m not gonna lie, I’m not ready for the present or the future, I’m stressed and I just wish you were here and I’m just stuck here, taking care of our little siblings that I can’t really share my feelings to cause they don’t know what happened and literally no one has a bond like us, and all my life I genuinely thought you were gonna be here, that we’d travel, hang out, get old together and do so much more. And now…I’m just scared that you’re not here. And I hate that I’m now the oldest and I don’t know what I’m doing.
Why?
Dear Brent,
Your service is tomorrow. We already have the death certificate and your ashes. So many unanswered questions. What drove you to do this? What was the last straw? I’m mad and sad and just sit here with so many unanswered questions.
Love you bro,
Your little (but taller) bro
Farewell, Sissy
Dear Sissy,
I know I never called you Sissy in life but it always comes to mind when I think of you now. I miss you so much. I can’t believe you’re gone.
When our brother called to tell me, I thought for sure there was some mistake, that maybe they had the wrong person…but I guess they didn’t, because it’s been three months and I haven’t heard from you. And I know they know their work, so they’re right, but I want so much for it not to be true.
I’m supposed to write your obituary but I can’t yet. I’ve written one before, so it shouldn’t be so hard, but our grandma was old and I understood losing her. If I write your obituary, I have to admit that you’re really gone, and I’m not ready yet. I’m still here talking to you.
I wanted to know you more. We tried really hard but living a thousand miles apart our whole lives made it hard. I appreciated your encouragement and how you thought I was great, even when others didn’t see it.
The last time I left, I didn’t know it would be the last time I saw you, but maybe the universe was telling me, because it was so hard to leave – it physically hurt. It felt like home with you and my brother, but I had to come back to this home because my children were here and they needed me. It was like I couldn’t possibly have both my homes together and I had to give one up.
I find a little comfort thinking you probably didn’t do it because you were in intense pain, like my special friend who left just after you. You were on a mission, and maybe it worked? What do I know? But I still miss you so much.
Did you know we never got a picture with the five of us together? I was thinking it in the month before you left. I couldn’t think of a way we could all be close enough to get one, and now we never can.
I’m sad that I have to be here without you. I know I still have work to do, but it’s so much harder without you here believing in me, cheering me on. I try to remember your voice but it’s fading. I miss you so much, My Sissy.
RT
Remembering Amy
On July 19, 2025 at 8pm I FaceTimed my sister to ask to borrow her car the next day to check up on some employees incognito, she said she couldn’t let me because she was going to church in the morning. I found that strange and even questioned her on it because she rarely goes to church and has never gone alone. She answered all my concerned questions and then got quiet. I asked her what was going on, why she wasnt talking and she shrugged her shoulders and I got annoyed and said fine I wont call you then, she stopped me from hanging up and just kinda said sorry I said no worries ill let you go and then thats where my world shatters… I said I love you and she said I love you too and we both paused for a minute and I saw something was off in her eyes, I didnt know what but I could sense it and Ill hate myself for ever for not going over there.
At midnight she left her house and 4 hours later she text 911 she was going to end it and where they could find her body, so that we didnt. She had left behind a 6 page letter and no answers. Its been 25 days and the guilt and the what ifs are keeping me from being able to breathe most days. There weren’t any signs ever until that last call and I just thought ill talk to her tomorrow when shes ready to tell me what’s wrong. Ill never get that talk and the look in her eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life. She wasnt just my baby sister, she was my best friend and we were all we had growing up. Im so lost without her
At midnight she left her house and 4 hours later she text 911 she was going to end it and where they could find her body, so that we didnt. She had left behind a 6 page letter and no answers. Its been 25 days and the guilt and the what ifs are keeping me from being able to breathe most days. There weren’t any signs ever until that last call and I just thought ill talk to her tomorrow when shes ready to tell me what’s wrong. Ill never get that talk and the look in her eyes will haunt me for the rest of my life. She wasnt just my baby sister, she was my best friend and we were all we had growing up. Im so lost without her
Without You, My Brother, My Soulmate, My Best Friend
My older brother took his own life on October of last year. He had been struggling for years and had had other attempts before so it was something I always knew deep down would come one day. Even just a couple days before, I spoke to my sister about how he was doing (they had a difficult relationship and sometimes would not speak to each other but he and I have always been extremely close) and I confessed that I believed that he might do it soon. I told her that either he’d make a big change in his life and do better or he’d finally do it and there wasn’t much we could do about it. Just a couple days after that, his ex girlfriend (they had broken up a week before but still lived together) called me at midnight and told me she found him.
The absence of my brother looms heavy within me. It’s a weight I carry every single day. He was my everything. Ever since I can remember, he was my favorite person. My sister and I would get into fights constantly but my brother and I were always close. He is the foundation of who I am today, he taught me about music, movies, art, life. I always felt a close connection to him. We understood each other all the darkness and all the love we shared was so special and unique. Sometimes it’s hard to be around my sister or mother because I know I remind them of him. I remind myself of him too, not just physically but also just the way we speak, the way we think. I miss him more than anything. Thanks to therapy, and the right meds I have been doing really well and feel very confident in myself and my future for the first time in my life but I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes. I wish he had gotten the help I have but I wouldn’t have gotten this if it wasn’t for what he did. It made my family wake up and unpack everything that was so deeply wrong. I wish that he didn’t have to do that for them to wake up. I wish I could share this version of myself with him. I just wish I could talk with him at least once more.
The absence of my brother looms heavy within me. It’s a weight I carry every single day. He was my everything. Ever since I can remember, he was my favorite person. My sister and I would get into fights constantly but my brother and I were always close. He is the foundation of who I am today, he taught me about music, movies, art, life. I always felt a close connection to him. We understood each other all the darkness and all the love we shared was so special and unique. Sometimes it’s hard to be around my sister or mother because I know I remind them of him. I remind myself of him too, not just physically but also just the way we speak, the way we think. I miss him more than anything. Thanks to therapy, and the right meds I have been doing really well and feel very confident in myself and my future for the first time in my life but I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes. I wish he had gotten the help I have but I wouldn’t have gotten this if it wasn’t for what he did. It made my family wake up and unpack everything that was so deeply wrong. I wish that he didn’t have to do that for them to wake up. I wish I could share this version of myself with him. I just wish I could talk with him at least once more.
Brother Gone
My brother intentionally overdosed on medication. He always carried unhappiness with him but took a turn for the worst following a minor brain aneurism. I wish I could have done more for him. He was almost 40 and his child just graduated from HS and is headed to college. I miss my brother.
My brother took his life on my birthday 9-4-2024
There are no words to describe the emptiness left behind since you left this world. You were more than my brother—you were my best friend, my partner in laughter, and the one who made even the darkest days feel lighter with your humor and love.From the moment we were kids, you brought joy everywhere you went. Your jokes, your smile, and the way you could turn any ordinary moment into an adventure made life so much brighter. You had a way of making everyone around you feel seen and loved, even when you struggled to see that light in yourself.
Losing you on my birthday, September 4th, 2024, has left a wound that may never fully heal. It’s a cruel twist of fate that a day that once held celebration now carries the weight of unbearable sorrow. But I refuse to let the pain overshadow the incredible person you were. You were kind, you were brave, and you mattered—more than you ever knew.
I wish I could have taken away your struggles, could have shown you how deeply you were loved. But even in your absence, that love remains. It’s in the memories we built together, the inside jokes that still make me smile through tears, and the quiet moments when I feel you with me, as if you’re whispering one last punchline just to cheer me up.
You didn’t get the peace you deserved in life, but I hope you’ve found it now. Wherever you are, I hope you’re free, laughing, and watching over us—knowing you’ll never be forgotten.
Until we meet again, I’ll carry you in my heart every single day. I love you, my brother. Always.
My Brother Killed Himself a Week Ago
I can’t describe my brother in words. I always tried and ended up saying you’ll just have to meet him. Kevin was my lifeline which makes me feel slightly guilty for depending on him so much. He was the only person who knew about my eating disorder. He was the one who would pick me up when I was too drunk to come home. He was the one to wipe my tears when I was dumped out of nowhere. We lived together all of our lives. The only time apart was during college. He came to me in his last moments asking for help. I tried to do the right thing, but he ended up taking his own life in the 30 seconds I left him alone. I love him more than words can describe, and I have no idea how to live the rest of my life without him. He was the one who wanted to fall in love. He was the one who wanted a full life. He was good. He was the guy who stood up for someone who no one wanted to stand up for. He was the protector of the ones who just couldn’t help themselves. I’m left alone without him and with the survivor’s guilt, where it should have been me. He was too good for this world. We talked constantly about taking on adulthood and how we would conquer it and take over the world metaphorically. He left me alone. He left me to find him. I kept him alive until he got to the hospital, but there’s not much you can do in this state that he was in. Not only do I have to get over what I saw, I have to figure out how I live the rest of my life without him. I gave up on romantic love, because he fulfilled my basic needs, obviously not sexually. I love him where the words can describe and this has absolutely wrecked my family. We love each other and we will get through this, but he was absolutely the bridge and the rock between my parents and myself. He taught me how to have a positive relationship with my mom and how to talk to her and communicate with her in a way that didn’t always result in us fighting.
My baby brother
6 months ago you were alive. In 9 days, 6 months ago you would decide to take your life. I will never understand why you did this without calling me. You called me for everything. I was your person and you were mine. You called me for the most minor of issues and all major health concerns, but you didn’t call me on that night. You were in pain, I knew that, but I don’t know it was this much – so unbearable the only way out was death. I am broken. I go through the motions of life but I’m a shell. I love you and miss you every day. I go to call you and it hit all over again. I’m so deeply sorry I wasn’t there and you didn’t call. I will never recover from this. I am broken. I hope you are no longer in pain, and you can rest, and mom is there with you. I love you so much.
I hope you found peace. I still feel terrible.
Dear big bro,
It’s been 7 years and I still yearn to call you. Today, I laid in my room in total anguish like it was day one. I’ve been living my life. I got engaged. we’re getting married next spring. You would love my fiance. You were 3 years younger than I am today, I know you would be here if you could. My good childhood friend died by suicide a few weeks ago. You knew him too. I feel too much for his sister. I love you so much David. I hope you both have peace wherever you are. I’ll meet you there someday.
