I was a bit skeptical about this site but it’s been less than a week since I lost my older brother. I’m having a hard time processing my grief and it’s still a shock that he’s gone. I’d like to know how/what helped you cope with the sudden loss of a loved one and the feelings of guilt (please don’t say I shouldn’t feel guilty- I know I shouldn’t and I’ve heard that countless times). Thank you for allowing me to share.

It will be 9 years as of March 24th, 2017, since you ended your life.Many tears have been shed and life goes on without you.

All it takes are certain songs to remind me of you.
It’s our dialogue, which continues although your breath in this world does not.

I see you in the sky, when I see a retail hawk or the bald eagles flying along the Hudson River.

I have to be the strong one and the eldest one now that you are gone.

May I always be available for your grown children and mine.

May I keep and share the memories of my older brother, Tom with tears of joy.

Forever grateful to have had you as my brother.

Tomorrow. When the sky lightens in the a.m., you will have been gone for 2 years.Just yesterday, I was driving down the highway and Alice looked over at me and said; “Isn’t that the place we met the Coroner when we picked up your brother’s things?”. I looked over and realized where we were. Then, it dawned on me how terrible that day was.

As we drove on I started remembering how sad we were two years ago, and at the same time realized life goes on. I don’t beat myself up anymore wondering what I could have done to help you. Thinking you taking your life was my fault. On January 9, 2024, I felt guilty thinking I could have done more. Sitting here on January 8, 2026, I have found peace in my life. Alice, my brothers and sister, and my friends have helped me along the way.

I will always miss you and will always love you little brother. Until we meet again.

I have 7 siblings. 4 sisters and 3 brothers. We have been shattered by suicide. November 2013 my beautiful baby sister attended a birthday party for my daughter. She seemed sad and told me she was sad. I did not take the time to talk. She took her own life the next day. The last words I said to her was I love you as she drove away. The wake of devastation that has rippled through our family since that day has been un-measursble. All of my siblings, myself included have pretty much had to deal with this without any professional help. We’ve just muddled through. There are no words to describe the plethora of complex emotions and pain, emotional and yes physical pain. What the hell are we supposed to do? 2016 my brother took his own life as well….it was too much! He left behind a daughter, who wants nothing to do with our family anymore. Our Mom passed away from cancer last year. She lived with it for 10 years. I honestly believe she developed cancer trying to deal with the loss of my sister. I lay in bed tonight reflecting on all of this and I am in utter disbelief that all of this has happened. What do we do? What do I do?

I don’t remember my deceased brother as if he hasn’t existed. We went to many concerts together, and shared so many experiences. We were best friends and I lost most of my memories of him. I can only well remember his last day. Is it normal? to forget your loved one via trauma? Have you experienced anything alike?

Jayden,

Though we were not biologically related, you were my full-blooded big brother no matter what. I haven’t been able to process the immense loss we have all been experiencing since you decided to end things. I feel numb constantly, like I can’t feel these emotions because I feel guilty that I was not more concerned about you the night your mom and other sister told me you ran off.
I couldn’t comprehend you ever doing such a thing, I had no idea you were hurting so greatly and I hate myself for that. I would do anything to have you back here with us. You visit me a lot in my dreams. I don’t know if it’s actually you trying to give me a message from beyond the grave, or if it’s my nocturnal mind’s way of telling me I need to process this. You always have such a comforting, happy presence in my dreams, and I am so grateful everytime I get to see you. I miss you constantly Jay. You were an angel on earth, and I am so angry you didn’t get the life you deserved to live. You deserved the big family you always talked about wanting to start, and how you wanted to be a marine biologist. I hate that I am now older than you were when we lost you. I wish you were still here so I could tell you everything that’s happened recently. I moved out of state, and finally broke up with that guy that you didn’t like. I met a really nice man and we are building a wonderful life together. I wish that you could come stay with us here, you would love the forest and the lakes near us, and the beach too. I am angry that you were treated so poorly by others that you felt it was your responsibility to stop that by ending your life. I am angry at your ex girlfriend every day, and my stomach flipped upside down when she showed up to your funeral practically making out with your cousin. I hate her, but I’m trying to make peace for her in my heart because that’s what you always did. Our peacemaker. I love you buddy. I hope there is a heaven, so that I can see you again and hear your silly jokes

This is for my little brother Clyde. Unfortunately he committed suicide in February 22 2024. Clyde attended Alton School went to elementary school and up to high school. He loved video games and food, and he seek a professional career as a truck driver while his last moments on earth. He also have 6 siblings an older sister, myself, and younger siblings. He leaves behind his father and mother, and 3 nephews 4 nieces.

Your birthday just passed first one we didn’t celebrate together. You were my best friend my younger brother and together we promised to go through cancer treatments together. I kept my promise and was with you when your treatments ended and stood beside you as you rang that bell. A little while later I rang my bell alone because you left me. I am not angry I know the pain you were in I had it to. No little brother I’m not angry with you I just miss you and feel so alone

I miss you a lot. It’s been 10 months and the only thing that’s on my mind is you. I’ve genuinely been struggling without you here. struggling to the point that I don’t really want to do anything, I don’t want to eat, sleep or talk to anyone. All i’m doing is just rotting in bed either on my phone to distract myself from what happened or going to work/school to distract myself or just thinking about what went wrong. Was it my fault? Why did you do it? What was your last thought? did I not show you how much I loved you-enough? I know that I’m your little sister, like we are only 6 years apart, but I just wish you could have told me what was going on, and what you were going through cause I would have done anything to help you. I just started grade 12 and I’m genuinely so confused, so stressed and I’m not sure what I’m doing. I just started the semester and I’m just passing my classes which I hate, cause you know, i’m a A student and never in these 3 years have I ever gotten below an A. Plus it’s also the university application year, so that whole thing is really stressing me out but hopefully I figure it out and get into a good university. I also got my G2, so hopefully you’re proud of me… but…life…sucks, and I felt like it was just yesterday that it happened and I can’t seem to move on.  I’m not gonna lie, I’m not ready for the present or the future, I’m stressed and I just wish you were here and I’m just stuck here, taking care of our little siblings that I can’t really share my feelings to cause they don’t know what happened and literally no one has a bond like us, and all my life I genuinely thought you were gonna be here, that we’d travel, hang out, get old together and do so much more. And now…I’m just scared that you’re not here. And I hate that I’m now the oldest and I don’t know what I’m doing.