After losing my youngest brother 4 months ago, my life has been in slow motion. I have had feelings that I never ever thought I would have, the only thing holding me together is my family that is very close to one another. This may sound odd – afterall, why would someone want to leave a loving family so violently & awful? Its left with an immense pain that feels like a broken heart that cannot be mended no matter what you do. Needless to say I am devastated! I was under the impression that I was the only person to feel this heartache and that no one could possibly understand how I felt. Depressed, confused, mad, sad beyond belief, anxious, lost, blame, lonely, devastated etc.etc. Unfortunately I was wrong. After reading daily, weekly, monthly posts on this site, I came to the realization that I was not alone. I was a part of this group “not by choice” that loves as hard as I do and hurts as bad as I do – feeling the way I was and understanding the unbearable pain I am going through! I embraced it with all my heart, thanks to this group, I have hope that together we will find a way to smile again and that there is hope even though it seems far away. If I had one wish, I would somehow try to make two wishes into one. I would wish to see my brother one more time so I could reiterate my love for him, hug & hold him, caress his face and most importantly let him know that I am proud to be his sister. The combined wish would be that every person thinking of suicide read all the posts on this site so they can realize the aftermath and massive impact this decision has on the people who love them and would do anything to save their life. Suicide ruins the lives of the people left behind! We are living proof… God bless you all.