My older brother left April 2023 when he was 24 and I was 19. So much has changed. Our dad is still bipolar and manic and when I want to complain about him to you I no longer can. I miss sending you memes or shitty songs I wrote. I miss you lecturing me on something that would eventually become a core belief of mine. I’ve cut lactose, I take care of my skin, I eat chickpea burgers instead of meat sometimes, I watch shows I know you liked, I make jokes you would’ve liked, I’m graduating the college you graduated from, I’ve started exercising more, etc. All with your words in mind. Most of the time I’m okay, but sometimes I burst at the seams and wail in my car (your old car) sobbing and yelling at the world. I always thought we’d retire and play Minecraft together again. It’s a shame I have to live a life now without you.

I wish I was a better brother when you were here and I wish I was more supportive when you were asking for help. I wish I gave you more attention and positive feedback. I was an a** sometimes. I’m glad I told you I loved you though and I’m glad I got to make you that slice of cinnamon bread Thanksgiving 2019. You were the best part of the family and I think you knew that to me I loved you more than mom or dad. I’ve been trying to be more of a loving son to mom now that she no longer has you.