It’s been five months.  I have no answer.

My dearest Kate, it’s been five months since you took your life. I thought things would get better and fade over time, but the opposite has happened.
For months I was still in shock and numb, and couldn’t bring myself to talk about or think about you, but now, months later, I cry at the most random times; driving home from work, watching tv at night, in the shower, at church.
I still have no answers as to why you decided to end it, and I don’t think I ever will. You’d so carefully and meticulously planned it for months, yet Mom, Dad and I all missed it.
Our family will never be the same Kate, I can’t bear to mention you in front of Mom and Dad because I can tell they’re in so much pain.
My only hope for your now is that you’re in heaven and in god’s loving arms. I hope that one day when it’s my time I’ll see you there….
Love always your brother.