The last time I heard my brother’s voice was a month ago on March 27th. My mom picked up but she didn’t know this was Wesley. At the time my parents put a restraining order on my brother. He wasn’t allowed to contact our parents or his daughter. For several years my brother struggled with Alcohol Addiction. The doctors already told him last August he only has 70% of his liver. If he kept up his drinking he would only have a couple years to live.

So from August to November he lived at home with us. My brother was a violent drunk but when he didn’t drink he was the most caring person. A day after Halloween I took his girlfriend to the bus depot. The night before he began to fight her but she ran away. So I told her to leave but that I am sorry for what is happening. My brother came home to find everyone gone. So in a drunk blind rage he broke everything in my room. This was when my parents banned him from the house.

He was calling from the hospital. My brother told me he had a seizure in the middle of the gas station. As he talked I could tell he was drunk. Later on he relented his drinking could be the cause of his seizure (Our mom has seizures, so heredity also could be a factor). He also apologized to me for breaking my stuff and I forgave him. I remember hearing him cry in relief. Telling me he is not surprised by what I said and that he misses me. He also got to talk to my mom and his daughter. Eventually I had to tell my dad. I can’t lie to him.

Then I began noticing my mom getting upset and frantic. One of the things she said was he wanted to commit suicide. I was mad at him for making mom sad. The next time he called we got into an argument. He belittled me so much I was pissed. At the time, I felt like things will never change. Just our lives stuck on repeat. So I told him never to call back and that we won’t visit him. Then I unplugged the phone so he couldn’t say more worse things to our mom.

10 days later he was hit by a car and died. His death was ruled an accident but I know this is what he wanted. He would always talk about ways to kill yourself. I remember him saying he would want his death so horrible our dad will cry. At the moment, our family seems to have moved on so quickly. They all believe he was so drunk he accidentally walked out into the street.

Deep down my brother was hurt by my actions. He truly believed no one cared about him. So he gave up. Now I can never say, “I’m sorry and I love you.”