Jon-Jon,
On the 14th of January it will have been 8 months since you left us. I’ve suffered many losses in my life and I thought I knew what grief was. But I had no idea. Grief & loss have never cut me this deeply before. I still cry almost every day and they say that time heals all wounds but it’s unimaginable that any amount of time could heal this pain.
You put on such a brave face in the months before you passed. I was so hopeful because despite the troubles you were enduring in your life I thought that you were handling things so well. I believed that the hardships you were enduring were making you fight harder and you were finally able to see your own strength. I’ll never forgive myself for being so wrong. If you had uttered one word of your plans… I would’ve crawled on my hands and knees from FL to Seattle where you were living. You were my only sibling and I had taken care of you most of our lives. If I had known NOTHING could have stopped me. You had struggled with your mental health for so long I thought you understood that you could have overcome it. But at the same time.. I know you were tired.
On the night that you left, I had frantically been calling trying to get help with finding you or reaching you. A deputy from the sheriff’s office called to tell me the news. I had to be the one to tell Dad & Mom. I’ll never forget the look on Dad’s face. That night will always be the beginning of the nightmares that I’m most scared of.
Your light shined brighter than anyone’s that I have ever seen. You were everything that I knew I could never be. You were smart, you were brave, you were honest, you were never scared to be yourself, you were an amazing musician, and you fought your mental illnesses so hard. I look around at the world and I know it will never been the same.
I love you and there will always be this giant hole in my heart that’s there because of your absence.
I can’t wait to see you again, Bubba.
Love,
Sissy
On the 14th of January it will have been 8 months since you left us. I’ve suffered many losses in my life and I thought I knew what grief was. But I had no idea. Grief & loss have never cut me this deeply before. I still cry almost every day and they say that time heals all wounds but it’s unimaginable that any amount of time could heal this pain.
You put on such a brave face in the months before you passed. I was so hopeful because despite the troubles you were enduring in your life I thought that you were handling things so well. I believed that the hardships you were enduring were making you fight harder and you were finally able to see your own strength. I’ll never forgive myself for being so wrong. If you had uttered one word of your plans… I would’ve crawled on my hands and knees from FL to Seattle where you were living. You were my only sibling and I had taken care of you most of our lives. If I had known NOTHING could have stopped me. You had struggled with your mental health for so long I thought you understood that you could have overcome it. But at the same time.. I know you were tired.
On the night that you left, I had frantically been calling trying to get help with finding you or reaching you. A deputy from the sheriff’s office called to tell me the news. I had to be the one to tell Dad & Mom. I’ll never forget the look on Dad’s face. That night will always be the beginning of the nightmares that I’m most scared of.
Your light shined brighter than anyone’s that I have ever seen. You were everything that I knew I could never be. You were smart, you were brave, you were honest, you were never scared to be yourself, you were an amazing musician, and you fought your mental illnesses so hard. I look around at the world and I know it will never been the same.
I love you and there will always be this giant hole in my heart that’s there because of your absence.
I can’t wait to see you again, Bubba.
Love,
Sissy