You have always been there for me ever since we were little and our parents abandoned us. You were only 7, three years older than me and was making sure I was fed, dressed, and we made it to school on time. I know your teenage years were rough on you but you didn’t have to leave at 16. You never could live by other people’s rules. When I was 27 and living out of my car, you offered me a place to live that wasn’t even yours and made it happen! I have not forgotten the lessons you gave me on how to take care of myself.

Mom’s husband found your body on Sunday. I’ve not been able to even think right since. I wished you had just left the alcohol alone – maybe you wouldn’t even have gotten divorced. I told you I’d help you. I was there for 2 of the hospitalizations when you told me “You don’t really love me.” I gave you an ultimatum of if you kept drinking, I wouldn’t talk to you. I didn’t talk to you for 5 months only to receive a call from mom saying, “come quick, your brother’s dead!”

You have always been there for me, I feel like I can’t say the same. You needed me and I couldn’t do for you what you did for me. You were hardened and bitter and wanted things your way only. I’m sorry Chris. I hurt so much.