1 month and 12 days ago, my little brother passed away. This still feels crazy to me, and doesn’t seem real. He had just turned 20 years old, and we all celebrated it together. He seemed ok. We all knew he had his struggles but he was getting better. The night he left us, he had a grocery list in hand. He had just applied to a job as a lifeguard. He was driving too fast on the road, and in a moment of perfect storm, he ended his own life as he felt there was no other option. He couldn’t face another DUI. He is my only brother. Im 21 years old and just moved in with my boyfriend and we are devastated. I miss him so intensely and so deeply, I never thought this kind of pain existed or that I’d be looking up others who have felt this pain. It does not make me feel better, to read others’ stories, however it does give me hope that I can survive this and other people have moved forward through this unbearable pain and are at least, to be frank, alive. Thank you for everyone who shared on this and I’m glad I’ve found this page. My mom has been wanting me to find support somehow but it’s so hard to talk about suicide to my friends. They just don’t understand. I’m so incredibly sad.