Today’s your birthday, brother. I’ll spend the day in the backyard, reading like you used to do. Of course my mind will drift off thinking of you. It doesn’t take your birthday to think about you.  I always do, no matter what day. You should be here, is what I always tell myself and of course the why question is there all the time. I’m afraid will never be answered. When you left, it left with you.

You’re free now brother, but we are not, never will be. Mom can’t even talk to me about you, when I start talking, she stops. It’s too painful for her. My feelings are bottled up and I am grateful for this group that I can express them. Even if no one responds, it’s a relief in a sense. I know I’ve drifted off the topic, my brother’s birthday today. Later in eve, will go to your favorite Thai restaurant for takeout and order your favorite dishes. When it comes to the cake later, you know what my wish will be when I blow out the candles, the same wish for the last 5 yrs of your birthday. That I wish you were here, brother. Happy Birthday in Heaven, brother, I love you and miss you beyond words can say…. your sister