Thinking of you

Today has been a month since you passed away and I think of you all day long. I know you and I were never very close with us being eight years apart growing up, I was in my own head and living my own selfish teenage years when you were just a kid. I’m sorry I never went to your ball games or any of your school stuff growing up or was really not even a part of your life. I just thought that being with my friends and boyfriend during my teens was more important. I wish so much now that I had been more a part of your life growing up! I missed out on so much of you and your life and that breaks my heart now! I can never make it up to you now. We kind of got closer together as we got older but then I moved away and then it seemed like your life fell apart after your divorce. Oh brother…I wish I had been there more for you! I wish I had told you I loved you more and called you more! Jesus, I hadn’t even talked to you in six months because I lived over here in AZ in my little bubble and didn’t want to know what was going on over there. I think if I had been a different sister to you that you would have grown up to be a different man and I’m so sorry. I failed you as a sister. I should have been a better big sister and I failed you and disappointed you so many times. I’m so sorry..soooo sorry and I don’t think I can every forgive myself. I love you Vince! I hope you know that and I hope you know how sorry I am that I failed you.