Thirty-eight years ago tonight my brother set himself on fire and lived for 43 days.

I have posted here in the past. Some years this day slips by without me realizing. Sometimes I quietly acknowledge it. Some years it is very vivid like it is tonight.

For the first three years I felt I had to will every breath I took. I did not think I could survive the crushing pain and sadness. I am here to let you know I have a productive life and I’m happily married. It took a long time to find my way and my brother’s death is still the worst thing that has ever happened in my life.

Things that helped me: therapy, journaling, asking for help, finding nurturing things to do for myself. Sometimes all I could do was wrap up in a blanket on the couch. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Keep coming back here. You are not alone.